It wasn't what I expected but I wasn't relaxed either. I was patient, waiting for that nagging part from my father to surface. I was waiting for him to ask why I was in his house this early without telling him. I was waiting for him to send me back and remind me that he told me never to come back because he was sick of taking care of my needs.
'I never took care of myself and lived for you both! I don't want to see you no more' his exact words.
With my load in the house but close to the door, I slowly wandered to the dinner table. I made sure not to make any sound as I drew the chair but yet, that annoying squeaky noise still came out.
"Sorry Pa" I yelled as I tried to make an excited giggle.
The grin was wide but we both knew it wasn't what we wanted. I was expecting him to yell as he did over the phone but he just walked past me to the kitchen and stayed long.
I get it, this man was 'young' as he always claims but I never brought myself to this world. I never asked him to be wild when he was young and lived to listen to his nagging.
"I thought about calling but my battery got flat, I lost my charger and I don't have cash to get another," I said to my dad as he walked towards me with two plates of scrambled eggs and bacon.
No side talks, no eye contact, we just ate in silence, and for a reason still yet known to me, I loved it.
At least I recovered from that horrible mistake I made by hooking up with a stranger. Good thing I was still on birth control and all I had to worry about was why I was so stupid not to take some cash from that dude.
That man had cash littered around the room but I was scared to take any. I just needed to get out of there as soon as possible with no strings attached. I needed to take a long warm shower, eat, and have a good sleep.
Well, eating is one so I hope my father lets me have a warm shower.
Slowly without being told, I took my empty plate to the kitchen and used the opportunity to look around. I have lived here almost all my life and I know when some things leave their position. I know I have been off for four years but I know my dad would never get an Expresso machine.
"Dad? You take coffee now?" I asked as I walked out with a smile.
I met my dad with a cold expression with his empty plate on his hands.
"I have a girlfriend, Amanda" Dad said dryly.
I didn't know how to feel.
Well, it was good that he had someone but what would the person feel about me?
"You know I got you when I was eighteen and...and .."
"I get it Dad" I interrupted "You didn't enjoy your teen life, you worked for me and mom left?!"
Blinking back the tears in my eyes, I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying. My dad hates me.
"I need a woman in my life and you know I can't take care of you both and....." Dad continued.
He was talking mainly about how he had loved my mom and how she betrayed him. I was an abandoned child for crying out loud!
I hear the same story all the time and I hate it. It wasn't my fault my mom was a teen mom and left me to my dad who was also a teen dad at that time. It wasn't my fault an eighteen-year-old boy was adventurous enough to have s*x with a stranger.
It's been 24 years, twenty-four years and I wake up to my father talking about how he had given enough for me and should have given me up to child services when they came for me.
Should I hate my father? I wasn't even sure!
Watching my dad walk out of the kitchen with a plate of pie made me mad at myself. All I could think about was the man from last night and how good he was. I wished I had stayed longer, I wished I dared to start something with him but I didn't want mistake.
I should have stolen his watch, his black card, or lots of money to rent an apartment before I get a job but no!
I don't want a situation where I would be obligated to someone. I want to be my woman, jobless or not, I want to be empowered.
I can't have my father yell at me because he trained me through college and acted as if he wasn't the one who brought me into this world. If he doesn't really want me, he should just tell me that and hand me over to child support since I was a baby and not tell me how my mom never wanted me.
Was he expecting me to hate her, yes! Yes, I do hate her.
I walked to the dining, looking for my father. I ended up walking almost around the whole apartment before I found him in his room.
The door was wide open and from where I too, could see the different arrangements he had made. Different bed, wallpaper, expensive lamps and a make-up table. Although he could see me and still ignored me, I knocked.
"You know I can see you, right?"
I gulped at how rude he was.
His obvious hate towards me broke my heart. I felt like my heart was going down my throat with lots of Needles being stuck into it.
"Don't look at me like that, Amanda!" Dad yelled as he put the plate aside and walked to the door "You want to stay the night?"
I nodded.
"Please one week" I begged.
I don't know how to work it but I need to get an apartment, and a job, and make my life okay in one week. If I don't, I will definitely live in the street.
Living on the streets of New York would be hell! The noise, and fights, I might get kidnapped, trafficked, or harassed.
"Please Dad, one week and I am off" I sniffed.
My throat clogged and I tried shallowing the pain in my throat. Do I have to suffer for what my mother did? In fact, my father did train through college but he didn't attend to all of it.
Derick paid my rent, fed me, protected me in his control freak way, and paid for books. I knew I was stop stupid to trust him, to believe that I was his 'property' and he owned me.
Why do I have to meet these kinds of men in my life?
Why??!!
"I will talk to a good friend of mine," Dad said.
His harsh voice, laced with impatience and malice, jolted me out of my thoughts.
He looked at me dead in the eyes, like he was daring me to leave immediately. It was already obvious that he didn't want me, at least, he should pretend.
"I trust he is a very good friend so he will get a job for you" Dad scoffed as he walked back into his room.
He sat on his bed and beat the sand off his feet before moving more into the bed. With his gaze locked with mine, he began to chew noisily.
"My wedding is around the corner, Amanda. And for your information, Your stepmother doesn't like you" Dad dropped the bomb.
Wow!
Nobody likes me!
No one had ever liked me and why does it seem like a surprise?
With the fakest smile on my face, quivering lips, and a running nose; I walked away from his room. Pained or not, I knew I need to get my s**t together and leave.
"And it wasn't my fault she doesn't like you, you know" I heard him yell as I walked down the passageway to the the parlour.
Three days later, I was sitting in the living room watching Grey's Anatomy when Dad walked past. He looked me dead in the eyes, scoffed, and walked away. It was the fifth time he had come to glare at me with his phone pressed to his left ear.
"Yes, Yes Buddy, and my wedding is in two weeks," Dad said.
Two weeks!
Fvcking two weeks and he never told me?!
I acted like I wasn't hurt. Like I wasn't pained and stood up. I went to the kitchen, and drank water from the sink with a cup, too late, I realized the cup had particles of pieces of stuff stuck to the sides when I had already used it.
I won't die. It's just germs.
Getting back to the parlor, Dad had already put off the and sat there. His gaze was sharp, daring me to say something but I didn't have the heart to. I just looked away, avoiding contact, and hoped to avoid conversations too.
Yesterday, I was at a hospital where I went to apply. It was something I could have sent through an email but I just needed to leave the house. I needed to breathe in some fresh air that wasn't too mixed with my dad's.
I also enquired about a cafeteria and mall, just in case I don't get to work at the hospital.
Just thinking.
The job opportunities here seem a bit low. Although I studied, I had hoped to be a nurse, I just haven't had the opportunity to put it into much practice. Not when Derick didn't allow me.
How could I let that happen? How come I Waste my time in Germany? Why didn't I take my zeal to be an Independent woman hard Instead of the societal stereotype that women end up in the kitchen after marriage?!
"...and he said he is doing it for old times sake," Dad said.
I blinked with a fake smile.
He had been saying stuff and I didn't pay attention! Damn! Should I ask him again?!
Better not.
With a stern look on my face, I acted like I loved his idea.
"Mr Moguel is a nice man. I expect you to be a resourceful girl this time and act like your mates"
Dad looked at the chair in front of him and without being told, I sat down. My gaze avoided his, making sure not to start what I would not finish.
"You know how much the light bill gonna be?" He asked obviously vexed.
I shook my head. There was no point saying anything.
Fact, I screwed up by leaving the lights and AC on all through yesterday's night. I was watching the Real Housewives show, getting so lazy that I slept off.
"Was this what you were doing in Germany?" He intoned.
I frowned. Not much, just a little to show him I didn't like what he just did. If I had been a European citizen, it would have been easy for me to get a job there. In New York, I just applied and he doesn't expect me to get that much in just three freaking days.
"I was studying in Germany, Father," I said with pure satire "I wasn't watching TV and I am sorry for doing it here"
Dad didn't say anything. He just stood up and walked back to his room. since I arrived he hasn't talked about work or gone. How does he cope?
"I hope you will remember I let you in as big as you are" Dad muttered.
"Hope you won't forget you made me stay home for three years before getting into college" I yelled back "If you hadn't used the fund for your do-called business, I would have been something at this age"
I totally agree with myself. A girl like me should have gone far in life and should have done something more than depend on my father who doesn't want me.
The next day, I got a call from London.
It was a bit different, hearing that London accent and doing an online Interview. I was happy about my father's friend being a nice person and how he had offered to get an apartment for me that would make it easy to get to my place of work.
With all the offers, I wasn't having a second thought about moving to London. It was in Europe, I was sure Dad would not want to sell me out and I checked out about the company.
It was a legit place, what I didn't understand was why they needed a private nurse for the workers when it obviously wasn't that a risky job.
Not my beef! I planned on getting my things ready so I could get going as soon as I got the ticket. That night, I stayed on the couch as usual, waiting for sleep and daybreak.
I needed to be sure about my life so I began research about the company again. The directors kept moving from people to people but it has lots of good reviews.
Strange about how it went but I was shocked to realize that I stayed awake all night. I just couldn't sleep. Soon, it was morning.
With a heavy migraine and heading to the kitchen, I heard a knock at the door.
I quickly went to check who it was and was faced with a chubby blonde. She looked beautiful, her olive skin had a glass look and I bet she was into a Korean skincare routine. Her heart-shaped lips stretched into an unpleasant smile as her Almond eyes battered her long fake lashes.
Her forehead and chin looked tight like she had lots of fillers or Botox. I would say that she should be around my Dad's age because of the tiny yet visible wrinkles at the side of her lips when she smiled.
"You are my stepdaughter?" She said with an unsure question.
Before I could answer, she pushed me aside and walked in. I don't know if she did it intentionally but her hair whipped my face as she walked past. I felt irritated as strains of her hair got into my eyes and mouth.
I want to kill her!!!
Closing the door, I walked to her but she had walked away. Her heels made pop sounds as she headed to Dad's room. I took the time to check out her dress; it was a jean short gown that stopped right below her butt. Her black boot heels shone like she would use them for mirrors.
As soon as she got into Dad's room, I sighed.
That should be his finance.
I waited for a few seconds and when I got nothing, I went back to sit in one of the couches.
It didn't take long for both of them to walk out, look me in the eyes, and tell me that she was pregnant. No proper introduction, no long talks, just her wish of how she felt like I shouldn't be here to occupy space for her baby.
Nice one Dad, I already have my things packed.
Waiting for the first comment……
Please log in to leave a comment.