Washing away the shame

Saras pov  

Drained and barely able to open my eyes I sense someone near me. Pulling my remaining strength I have and force open my eyes. Am I dreaming? There is a man holding me in his arms, after everything that’s happened tonight I should fear him but I don’t. Not at all. If anything I feel the safest I have ever felt in my life. I inhale heavily taking in his curious scent, freshly cut grass and bergamot hidden under an earthy metal smell. Laying my face against his powerful chest and I cannot stop myself from drifting off to the rhythm of his chest rising and falling.

I am awoken by a racket, screaming, banging, snarls and howls. I dare not move much as my eyes shift around the scene playing out in front of me. It feels like a story with men, women and children transforming into wolves everywhere I look. The panic fills my body, and that feeling of no control grasps me once more, making me scream internally. Salt and pennies. I look upon my body masked with red streaked mud, my bearer is also full of blood. Is it his or mine? What is happening? An almighty crack makes me involuntarily jump, while the floor seems to move beneath us. Oh no not now! Has this night not lasted long enough, now we have to endure an earthquake. I don’t know if I can take any more. I can’t see. The world is spinning faster and faster like being spun too fast on the roundabout at the play park. I fear I may not survive this time. “Shhhh” he softly reminds me he has me, snapping me out of my panic attack. I feel myself slowly stop spiralling out of control which each rock and shush. I am completely oblivious to the commotion around us, for right now, it is just us in the world.

I cannot say what time it is or how long this mysterious man has held me, when he carefully places me down on a bench in a wooden room, there is a large tin bath in the centre, big enough to fit 4 people at least. “These are my sisters, Katie and Isabella” using his hand to indicate which is which. “They will help you get cleaned up and into some new clothes. I am just outside should you need me.” I find myself nodding, although I’d rather he didn’t leave his gentlemanly act clearly indicates respect- I appreciate that. “We will step out too but just for a moment while you undress and get into the bath, you are too exhausted to be alone for long.” Isabella gives me a smile filled with pity and worry.

I look around the room to try and get my bearings, the room is much larger than it first appeared. Walnut wooden floorboards lay at my feet, you can see they are weathering away in places, like just outside the tin bath, it makes sense I imagine they get wet often. Wooden tiles of all different shapes and sizes line the walls, and streaks of light dance across them as the moonlight hits them from the circular moon roof above. I look into the mirror hanging on the wall by a thick rope and a thin crooked nail- how is that nail keeping a mirror that size up I will never know. It’s the first time I have seen my reflection since staring at myself dressed for the party, I don’t recognise the person staring back at me. A heaving sob involuntarily leaves my chest. How could they do this to me? I never imagined their hatred ran this deep. I can’t stop myself, tears flood my face, like a waterfall washing away the mud and blood from my cheeks. Almost as if in sync rain drops pelt down onto the roof of the bathing hut. I carefully remove the once long emerald dress which is now just tatters of dirty cloth, no resemblance to the dress it once was. I wince at the pain it causes me pulling the pieces of material left over that had embedded themselves into my open wounds. I stand in front of the mirror battered, bruised, and bloodied. I make a vow to myself that I will never allow anyone to treat me so poorly again, wiping the tears from my face with my dirty hands and entering the tub. The heat from the water makes my body sting but I find I am enjoying the pain, a small reminder that I am indeed human.

I get a small shock when I notice Katie in the room, unaware of when she returned. “I am so sorry if I frightened you, you just looked so peaceful, I wanted to let you have that moment.” She stumbled out. My ample breasts sat just above the water line, I found myself curling my arms over myself to cover them from view. “Please do not feel ashamed of yourself, you do not have to cover yourself from me, I only wish to help.” She informed me in the kindest way she could. Still, I could not relax. She sat on a stool as close to the tub as she could reaching to come through my hair. I reactively flinched when she first touch my head though she was gentle before nodding permission to proceed to untangle my hair removing hairpin after hairpin from my throbbing scalp. Her delicate little fingers moved effortlessly, unplaiting and untwirling what was left of Lyla’s creation. Her fingers matched the rest of her body too, she was a petite girl, no older than 19 if I had to take a guess. Much like most of the people I have caught a glimpse of here, she has brown hair and brown eyes. Katie's hair was not left to grow long like most women I had encountered. She had he hair cut short, much shorter than I have seen on a woman before, choppy and styled. It highlighted her incredible face, she had the tiniest of features. She looked like an angel. After much time spent untangling the mess on my head, I wondered if it would be kinder to chop it all off just like Katie’s. Finally, Katie picked up a large ceramic jug and filled it with water in the bath and poured it over my hair repeatedly, cleaning it with some special homemade shampoo and conditioner that left my hair smelling of fresh flowers with a hint of lemons. I imagine this is how it would feel to have a mother wash her child’s hair, with love and affection, something I had no memories of experiencing.

Rubbed raw, my skin stung but was finally clean of the mud and blood that had enveloped my body. I step out of the tub while Katie passes me a large navy blue towel. Isabella finally returns to the hut holding the promised clothes for me, as she opens the door I notice the mysterious stranger is still waiting outside as he promised. He is sitting on a tree stump opposite the entrance of the hut, still covered in the events that have happened tonight, even in all that dirt I find myself drawn to him. The way his straight coffee brown hair falls over his face leaves me weak-kneed. I can’t explain it, it is like he has some calming control over me. All too quickly Isabella closes the door, taking away the sight of him from my vision. “How are you feeling?” She asks handing me some sweatpants and a t-shirt. How am I feeling? “I don’t know” I speak for the first time answering as honestly as I can. It’s the truth, none of this feels real, what has happened, what I’ve seen. None of it. They nod in unison with understanding. With the towel wrapped around me, I pull the t-shirt over my head first. I feel like this is the best option to keep my dignity, the white top has some sort of band on the front and is long enough to pass my naked bottom. I drop the towel into a small pile on the floor now that I feel less vulnerable “What are you?” They shuffle uneasily under my gaze, looking from each other to the ground, unknowing what to say. Isabella is slightly taller than Katie but her features are much the same, Isabella wheres her hair in a high, messy ponytail, with small plaits running through it. She began to open her mouth to answer my question, the door opened right then. She let out a saved by the bell, sigh of relief. There he was, just being around him made me feel better as if he was breathing life into me. The air fizzled with energy as we locked eyes. “We will leave you two to talk.” They muttered giggling like school girls as they left the room, no doubt they could feel this too. I blushed at the thought.