Love Me Not

Kerr POV It’s late at night; kahit ilang beses kong ipikit ang aking mga mata ko di parin ako makatulog. It's past 12 midnight na pala, masyadong tahimik na ang lugar. I'm lying in bed, ako lang mag isa dito sa kwarto. I want to be alone, pinauwi ko si Lailani kasi alam kong wala din sayang sapat na tulog, magmula nang na admit ako sa hospital. Kung gaano katahimik dito, sana ganun din ka tahimik ang pakiramdam ko. I'm longing for peace and contentment within, like I used to feel when I was with her. Balisa ako ngayon kasi ng alam kong nag alala ka sakin. Di ako nagpaalam sayo ng maayos at wala ako ibinigay na koncretong reason ng umalis. Sinabi ko lang sa sulat na, you have to move on at kalimutan ako. Alam ko sa sarili na ayaw kong mangyari yun. Masakit isipin na magmahal ka ng iba, pero ayaw ko ng maging selfish sayo. I was being selfish already nung angkinin kita kahit alam kong di ko maibigay ang nararapat para sayo. I don’t deserve you, you deserve someone better. I’ m praying that someday you will forget me and the pain I’ve caused you and one day I will just be a part of your past, your forgotten past. All I can do now is keeping our memory in my mind and in my heart because it gives me courage to move forward and fight for my life. Di ko to plinano, di ka kasama sa mga plano ko pero bigla ka nalang dumating kung kailan pasuko na ako. You gave me the courage, you brought meaning to my boring life and believed that what we had is true. Yeah I know it's true but our time wasn’t right, the time wasn’t in our side; usap ko sa larawan na hawak Reminiscing the past.. I took my vacation somewhere in Visayas area. I'm fed up from everything. It was unplanned but I realized I badly needed it. My life was consumed of too much work. I forgot that time flown so fast, di ko na kilala ang sarili. I felt exhausted with never ending demand, chaotic lifestyle, running after the time. Then I realize, what is all this for? I felt alone, empty inside, no one cares or asked how I am doing, like I was forgotten by everyone. So I decided to visit the resort that I invested long time ago. Will stayed there for at least a month or two, sort of vacation. That was the planned until my plan change when I met her. Smiling myself like a stupid man while thinking about her. Her precious smile that captivates me. Bringing me back to when I first met her. Nasa sa bar ako, sa sulok lang nag iinum with couple of beer in my hand. Di ko naman planong maglasing, gusto ko lang mag unwind while listening to the music and chatters in the side. Busy ang club, I guess isa ito sa pinakasikat dito sa lugar. Then nag start na ang show, girls slowly coming out dancing sensually in the stage. I plan to go out, wala nman akong balak magtagal, I just finish my bottle. Then suddenly the music change and one girl came out that catches my attention, shes so pretty, her smile is captivating, looking gorgeous, gracefully moving her body, dancing erotically like enticing me to dance with her. Di naman hubo't hubad pero nakakainganyo sya tingnan while dancing, blessed with perfect body physique and a beautiful face. Waiter came by and ask me if gusto ko ba daw mag table ng babae. Yang babae nagsasayaw ngayon, is she available para makatable? I ask him curiously. Sige sir I request ko po, sabihan ko sya after ng number nya; sagot ng waiter. Ok just update me later; sabi ko nalang sa kanya. I don’t know what made me changed my mind, I guess hanging out here for a while is not bad. The night is still young, di man ako nagmamadali. I just want someone to talk with. I'm curious why she end up here in this place. Going to a place like this, is not my usual scene. I'm not a judgmental type; I always hear the story first. She just captivates my attention. Aria POV I'm in the beach, lying in a hammock sa ilalim ng Acasia tree in late afternoon. Di na masakit sa balat ang init, mahangin galing sa dagat, while waves splashing calmly along the shore. This place reminds me of him, we usually hang out in this particular area, talking, cuddling and laughing like no one cares. We had our own world. And thinking how it started and how we end up in this situation. Remembering him brings smile to my face at same time pain in my heart, our sweet memory. I was longing his presence. I missed him so badly. Our memory: Aria, gusto ka daw makatable ng customer nasa table number 10; tinawag ako ni Jim na isang waiter dito sa bar. Ah ok, sige puntahan ko sya Jim, thanks; sagot ko nman at palakad patungo sa customer. Nakita ko sya sa sulok walang kasama. Hi I'm Aria, sabi nila gusto mo daw ako makatable ? mahina kong tanong sa kanya. Yeah have a seat, by the way I'm Kerr; sabi nya. Nice meeting you Kerr; sabi ko naman. If you don’t mind, tanong ko lang if taga dito ka? Kasi di kita familiar, maliit lang ang lugar nato, halos magkakilala lahat,;nakangiti kong tanong sa kanya. Ah no taga Manila ako. I’m here for vacation. I’m strolling outside until I saw this place, decide to come in and see what you have here and maybe have a couple of beers to relax: tugon nya habang nakangiti. Ohh i see, so far how do you find our place? Inquire ko uli sa kanya. So far I'm liking my stay here, calm ang lugar, wala namang hassle akong na encounter. People here are nice. Ikaw matagal kana dito nagtatrabaho? Balik tanong nya uli sakin. Mga dalawang taon narin, ok naman dito , mabait ang mga kasama ko, kahit ganito ang line of work namin ,may respito rin naman ang ibang customer samin, yun lang minsan di lang maiwasan na may gulo kasi nga club ito, pero walang choice kundi tiisin ang situation para makaraos sa buhay. Marami kaming napag usapan, mabait siya, magaan kausap, di bastos, halatang may pinag aralan base sa kilos at pananalita, enjoy syang kausap at di ko namalayan ang oras. Time ko na pala mag out Kerr, matagal ka pa ba dito? Mauna na ako sayo, salamat sa time. Need ko ng mag out kasi may klase pa ako tomorrow, inform ko sa kanya. Ah ganun bah? Sige hintayin nalang kita sa labas, ihatid kita sa inyo pauwi; sabi nya. Wag na Kerr, sorry talaga pero di ako nagpapahatid ng customer sa labas. Rules ko talaga yun, for privacy narin. May kasama naman ako pauwi, kaibigan ko; paumanhing sabi ko. Ah ok, I understand, no worries . Are you here tomorrow? tanong niya uli sakin. Ah yeah duty ako tomorrow; reply ko uli sa kanya. I had a great time talking to you Aria, hope to see you again tomorrow..sabi nya I enjoyed our conversation Kerr, til next time; balik sagot ko sa kanya.