Listen To The Compass Of Your Heart

"W-Why? Answer me, Brent. Why is my sister of all people?" Jake utters while his tears stream on his face. "I-I thought–" "You thought I'm dead? Right?" But why is my sister?" "I didn't mean it, it's, it's just happened and–" "And what Brent, it just happened that you slept together in our own house? It just happened that you impregnated her?" Jake points at his sister who is quietly sitting beside Brent across from him. "Almost five years, Jake. Almost five years! Almost five years without hearing anything from you, almost five years without certainty if you are still alive or...or dead! I almost went crazy, Jake! You didn't know that, of course, you didn't. You didn't know how I lived during those years, Jake. I went to Iraq hoping I could find you, hoping that...that maybe...maybe I bumped into you on the street. You didn't know that, Jake. I didn't stop praying every day and night, praying for your safety, praying for your life. When I was at the bottom of my life and...and I... I attempted to take my own life because I can't live without you. Amber...Amber is the one beside me. Because you choose to go there, you choose to seize your dream." Brent broke out. "So, you're blaming me? Did I wish to be kidnapped? Did I want that to happen to me? Brent, we've been together for a decade. Am I that easy to replace? And you, Amber? I told you to look after him not to sleep with him! Do you ever consider me as your brother? Do you two hope that I won't come back anymore and be really dead? Is that–" "Stop it, brother! I love Brent, but I didn't wish for something like that. I didn't wish you dead. You choose to leave even if Brent was begging you to stay. You can't blame everything on us." Replied Amber, cutting Jake's word. "Hahaha..." Jake laughs in despair, his eyes were clouded with tears and his head is ringing in pain so bad because of the untreated concussion. "So it turns out that I am the one to blame, great...great...yeah...great! I'm, I'm living." Jake forced himself to stand up even though his legs were wobbling. "Where are you going?" Brent holds his arms but Jake jerks it off. "What does it have to do with you? Just, you two... You two, pack your things and leave my house before I come back." He announced and ran outside. Jake wanders on the street without knowing what to do until he reaches the seaside and sits there looking at the horizon. Dusk began to envelop the sky and Jake just let his tears flow freely hoping the pain in his heart would subside. He just returned from Iraq after four and half years of being held by the rebels. During those chaotic times, the thought of coming back home in Brent's arms is the only reliance he has. The thought of Brent's kisses, the thought of Brent's warmth, the thought of Brent's embrace, and the thought of Brent welcoming him at the airport and then hugging him so tight. But all of them crumbled when he spotted Brent and Amber holding hands in the waiting area. Jake thought that it was nothing and still hugged Brent, Brent hugged him back but it felt not warm and unwelcome. He attempted to kiss Brent but Brent avoided him. Jake feels like a bucket of ice water was poured onto him. The ride home was silent and uncomfortable as if he was a stranger. Jake was sitting in the back passenger while Amber was the one sitting next to Brent. When they got home, Jake couldn't take it anymore and broke the awkward silence. "So, what is happening here?" He asked whilst they were sitting in the living room. Jake's heart begins to shatter when Brent chooses to sit beside Amber and holds her hand. Jake's lips quiver so he purses them tightly. The tears that were clouding his eyes since the airport finally finds their way to creep down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Jake," (Jake) was Brent's first phrase. It's too awful, it's too awful that Jake wanted to throw up. Brent calling him Jake whilst holding her sister's hand in front of him is something that Jake never thought how unpleasant it is. "S-Sorry for what?" Jake manages to open his mouth. "I'm sorry, but we can't be... We can't be together again." Jake shut his eyes trying to digest what Brent had said. "Amber is three months pregnant with my child." Said Brent and Jake's world completely crumbled. His ears are ringing and his head feels like going to split. The trauma from the kidnapping is ringing inside his head and it hurts him like hell... Jake wiped his tears and stared at Amber's tummy. It's still small but the little bump is already visible. Jake, stays at the beachfront, for how many hours? Jake didn't know. The surroundings were completely covered by dusk and lights from the lamp post, buildings, and other establishments took over. Jake's tears dried up and his throat was hurting. Everything in him is hurting. His head, his ears, and his heart. Jake stood up and dusted the back of his pants. He slogged along the sea wall tracing it with his eyes. Jake roamed his gapes to the surroundings and it didn't change that much. The famous theme park was still there with lights illuminating the dark sky. The giant mall is packed with people even on the open ground. Those tall buildings were still there, there were new cafes and bars. New restaurants and some new decorations on the streets. Couples were walking, holding hands, taking pictures, and many more. But Jake could only see Brent and him. The memories of him and Jake doing all the things that a couple normally do. Jake's every step reminds him of Brent. Couples eating street foods, couples walking holding hands, couples bickering, couples buying movie tickets and popcorn. Everything is reminding him of Brent and it hurts Jake so much. For more than a decade that his life revolves around Brent, will Jake be able to get over it? Maybe, but how long? How long will Jake be able to move on? Jake didn't know. He loves Brent so much and they went through so many hardships during that decade that they were together.