The Devil’s Angel

“Leave mama alone.” I whisper into the empty room. I can hear the shouting and screaming from the living room and I clutch Lesley to my chest tightly. Lesly is penguin teddy and my best friend in the whole world. Papa won it for me in the fair last spring. He was so happy, we were happy. I don’t know why dad gets so angry. He gets so mad and makes mama cry. She's crying now and I want to run down and hug her to make the pain go away. But I can’t. She made me promise. I didn’t want to promise. She made me promise to stay in bed no matter what I hear. I should never come down. I want to see her. Last week she had a black eye and she could not walk well because daddy hurt her. She was in so much pain and she hugged me and cried when I was sleeping. She didn’t know I heard her crying. I wanted to cry too. When she is sad she does not brush my hair and call me her sunshine like she does when she’s happy. Her pretty blonde hair just like mine is dirty and tangled. Now I can hear daddy saying very bad words. Mama would tell him to put money in the swear cookie jar. But she isn’t saying that. I can hear her crying. I grip Lesley closer to my chest and climb out of bed. Greta in school says there are monsters in her closet. I looked at her funny and smiled. “There are no monsters in my closet. Only fairies and dragons.” I told her because she’s wrong. “Well, Mama told me if I close my eyes and make a wish all the monsters will go away.” Greta nods. But that can’t be right. There are no monsters in my closet. How can they be monsters when they make all the bad things go away. Like the screaming coming from downstairs. How can it be wrong to stay in the dark and feel safe. In that moment I thought that Greta’s Mama didn’t know everything after all. Grabbing my blankie and teddy I trudge to the closet and settle in. Immediately I feel comfort. I can still hear screaming and yelling but it is like it’s all in the background. There’s nothing that can get me here. My fairies will keep me safe. My little mind drifts to last two months when we all went out for ice cream because it was a special day for me. It was my birthday. Mama made me a cake but daddy Threw it away. He said it was not good enough for his little girl but it was just fine. Mama even got the colors right. I wanted pink and blue on my cake and she even put sprinkles on it. He threw it away and I nearly cried. I am glad he didn’t find the freshly baked cookies in the cookie jar up in the cupboard or he would have thrown those ones out too. Dad is really mean to mama and sometimes me. I don’t tell mama or she will cry and be sad. I don’t want mama to be sad. Seeing her sad makes me sad too. I am sitting at the very corner when the door bangs open and I hear footsteps coming for the closet door. I hear mama yelling and begging from the living room. I clutch Lesley closer to me. Mama said anytime I get so scared i should do my counting and imagine my Fairies here playing with me. That’s what I do. I count from one to ten quietly and when I get to eight the door swings open and I watch what looks like the big bad wolf tear the door open and something about the way he is looking at me has me chilled to the bones. This is not daddy. He doesn’t even look like daddy. This man that looks like my daddy has angry red eyes. He looks so mad I scoot back and put Lesley behind me. I need to protect her from him. From this evil. “Come here.” He growls. I shake my head and scoot further back till my little back hits the wall. He reaches inside and yanks me out and I let out a blood curling scream. “Elsa !!!!! Elsa!!!! Baby!! Wake up!!” I hear from what seems like very far away. “What?? What??” I lean up. My gaze around blearily. Still very dazed and everything looks hazy. “Are you okay?? You screamed and I came in here thinking something was terribly wrong....” she sighs looking at me worriedly. “I am okay. I am okay. I didn’t .....” I don’t know what to say so I stop talking. “This is becoming too frequent. Don’t you think it’s time to make an appointment with Doctor Johnson and let him have a session with you. So we can understand what’s going on and if it can be harmful to you.” She brushes the hair off my forehead. Her eyes still peering into my face with her loving worried face. “It’s okay mama. I’m really fine. It’s not like it’s normal. I have just had nightmares three times this month.” I tell her. I rub my hands up and down my face, trying to wipe most of the moisture off my forehead. “Hunny, it is just the middle of the month. That is more than enough to get me worried about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I don’t want that. It is my job to worry about you dear.” She says again. I looked her red gleaming hair , curled to perfection and wrapped in a seemingly loose bun. Her blue eyes are so soft and welcoming. They dragged me in. At this moment, I recall the memory of in this one time I had an accident on the playground. I fell and scraped my knees, crying and sad I ran to mama crying. She hugged me and kissed my forehead, whispering her love and how much of a good girl I was. You see right there and then the same look of worry and concern is what I am seeing in her eyes. Her little girl hurt and bruised with tears in her eyes, bothered and concerned. In her eyes, I am still her little girl. “Mama, really I am really fine and I want you not to worry so much. Look at you... you’re going to get wrinkles if you keep frowning so much.” I teased her. She rolls her eyes. “Come on now, I don’t have wrinkles.” She smiles. That’s true. She’s thirty-three and still very young. She keeps in great shape with cardio, a bit of yoga and going to the gym regularly. She also spends a lot of money on her skin products and essences. She doesn’t joke with all of that. “I hear you but I still worry. I can’t help but worry. I am your mother, it’s my job to worry okay?. But since you said you’re okay I am going to drop it. But you have to promise to tell me if it becomes to frequent okay?” She grabs my hands and hold it to her chest. “I promise mama. I will tell you if it gets too much.” I assure her squeezing her hands back. “Thank you. I feel so much better.” She smiles and pats my face fondly. “Today’s your first day in your last year in High school. How do you feel?” She squeals excitedly. My mummy is someone who is always interested in my social life or lack of. Always trying to get me into Cheerleading which I obliged. You would think she would be one of these strict mothers who will prevent their daughters from going out to parties but no she wants me to go out and socialize. She fancies herself a cool mom. Though she’s quite cool. “I feel good and I am going to be late to school if you don’t leave my room and let me actually get ready.” I smile at her. She hops up on her short office heels. “Oh. That’s true. Sorry for keeping you. You should get ready. You’re going to take your car or I should drop you off on your first day?” She asks. “Nah I’m good. I’ll find my own way. I can drive to school.” I tell her. “Okay dear.” She checks her wristwatch. “Ah. I have spent too much time at home. If I don’t head out now I’m going to be late. I’m going to leave you now dear. I have a meeting I can’t miss.” She says. She approaches me and presses a kiss against my head. “Bye love. Make sure you have some breakfast. I left a little money on the fridge for pizza or takeouts when you get back home from school, your keys are on the counter. Drink water to stay hydrated and lock the doors when you get back. Love you.” She says as she walks out of the door already furiously typing on her phone.