Perfect girlfriend

Layla's POV: Hi, my name is Layla. I am an 18-year-old girl in high school. My childhood was fine. I was a normal kid. That was until I turned thirteen, and things started changing. I was diagnosed with a horrible disease. Let's say that no matter what I was eating, I still kept losing weight. In the beginning, it wasn't that bad. I lost a kilogram in a month. That continued until I was seventeen. Then this disease got worse. I was losing weight faster. The worst thing was that I couldn't eat as much as I wanted. If you give me a full plate, I can eat half of it. Otherwise, I will throw up. I noticed that many times. I thought it was because of some ingredient in the food, but no. Whenever I ate more, I was immediately throwing up. Then I couldn't continue eating because the same thing would happen. I am so skinny that you will think that I am anorexic. My parents have taken me to the doctor since the beginning. Now I visit her every three months. She has always checked my weight. The woman tried to give me some pills. Of course, I drank them, but it didn't help. So, I kept losing weight until today. It was ok for a 13-year-old girl to weigh forty-five kilograms. The most I have been fifty-eight kilograms. Then I started losing weight. Currently, I am forty-four kilograms, and I'm afraid that the number will keep going down. More than anything, I want to gain weight, but I don't know how to do it. The problem is that my disease is rare. Also, not many tests can show how to stop this. I hope that one day, I will be able to gain weight. I don't want to be fat, but being skinny is not good either. All the girls who want to be skinny better stop. It's not nice. I woke up and went to get dressed. Since this problem started, I have hidden my body. Mostly I wear baggy clothes. During winter, I wear oversized hoodies. I used to be size M, but now even XS is big for me. Sometimes it's hard for me to find clothes which can fit me. Once I went into a kids' store. The woman looked at me confused, but after I explained my situation, she understood. Don't ask about summer. Most of the time, I am at home. I have t-shirts in sizes S or even M. When I was ready, I walked downstairs for breakfast. My parents must be at work. To my surprise, mom was in the kitchen. Maybe she has a free day today. I don't know. She never told me anything. I took a bowl and filled half of it with cereal and milk. I would love to eat a full one, but I can't. After all, I want to have some food in my stomach. I wish that I could eat normally. - Hey, honey. How are you today? - The same as yesterday. - If you want, we can go out. The weather is nice. - Thanks, but I don't want to go out. - Layla, please stop hiding. You are perfect the way you are. - You say this because you are my mom. - No, I say it because I mean it. There is nothing wrong with you. - When a stranger says this to me, I will believe it. - If you want someone to say it, you should show yourself. - That won't happen. Now, if you excuse me, I want to eat. No one said anything else. I love my mom, but sometimes she is annoying. Since I started hiding my body, she has been like that. If I show who I am, people will stare at me. Some of them will think I am sick, and others that I am dieting. Let's not talk about my new nickname. I am a live skeleton. I just can't take all the negativity which will come. I should appreciate myself more, but I can't. - You need to be braver. - You know that there is a solution. - Don't start again. My answer is no. - But this might help me. - Yes, or make things worse. I won't agree. - How do you know? Mom, I want things to get better. - Me too. - Then why don't you want to let me do this? The doctor said that it would be fine. It doesn't hurt. - Yes, but she also said that it might not help. I don't want you to get skinnier. - Mom, please. - I said no! That's it. Final decision. - she said and left My mom will never agree to this. The thing is that my doctor said that there is medical treatment. It lasts one month, and I have to be in the hospital. Now comes the problem. She doesn't know if this will help me. There is a chance that I might get better, but also one that I might get worse. The disease is rare, and there are not many tests for it. Up to now, there hasn't found a solution that will help people with my condition. Also, this treatment is twenty-five thousand dollars. Very cheap, right? My mom has no problem with money. She doesn't want me to get worse. I understand her, but she needs to be more positive. Dad is ok with that, but I know that he is worried. I am too, but I have to try. I walked into my parents' room and saw mom sitting on the bed. - Mom, are you ok? - Yes. - If you want, we can go out. - Didn't you say that you didn't want to go out? - Yes, but I don't like it when you are upset. - I just don't want you to hide behind clothes. - Mom, I'm fine. I prefer to hide instead of getting hateful comments. - No one will hate you. - You don't know what people in school are. - To understand that you plan to hide this year as well. - I don't want people to make fun of me. I have seen girls in school making fun of another girl because she was a bit fat. - Look, I understand, but you can't hide your whole life. What if one day you have a boyfriend? You will hide this from him too. - Maybe. - Layla, this is not a solution. - I know, but I have no choice. - If he loves you, he will accept you the way you are. - You are talking as if you know who he is. - Honey, you are one beautiful girl. I don't know why you don't like yourself. Other girls can be jealous of you. - For sure, they will. Every girl wants to be skinny. - Things will be fine. I promise you. - I hope that you are right. - I am. - Can I snuggle? - Sure. Come here. - Thanks. My best friend is my mom. The thing is that I didn't make any friends in school. Not permanent. I talk with some people, but only there. If I have friends, I have to tell them about my problem. I don't want the whole school to know about this. It's not something good. After all, mom and I walked out. She wanted to buy me new clothes, so we went to the mall. We walked into a store, and my eyes landed on a black leather jacket. It was nice, but I had to check the size. - Damn it! - Layla, is there a problem? - I can't find my size. - This jacket will suit you very well. - I know, but the smallest size is S. It's big for me. - Maybe they have smaller ones in the warehouse. Let me ask. - Hi, how can I help you? - one woman asked - Hi, do you have this jacket in size XS? - I have to check. Is there XS here? - No, we didn't find one. - Let me check. I will come back in five minutes. The woman came back and said they didn't have a smaller size. I have no problem buying size S, but it will be too loose. It looks like I don't have luck. Whenever I go shopping, the cashiers look at me. Let's not talk about the moment when I tell them my size. That is why I am hiding. The looks of people are enough to make me feel insecure. They think that I am strange or that something is wrong with me. As if it's my fault that I am so skinny. At least I have no problem with finding shoes. - I'm sorry, honey. Maybe we can find a better one in the other store. - It's ok. I'm used to this. - Don't be sad. I'm sure that we'll find something that is your size. Mom and I walked to a couple of stores. I had some luck. I found a nice shirt with long sleeves, jeans, and a jacket. It's not like the one I saw in the first store, but it's good. Later, we walked home. Dad was already there. - I see that you two went shopping. - Yes, we did. - mom said - Layla, is everything ok? - Yes, don't worry. I'll go and leave the bags in my room. I ordered everything in my wardrobe and sat on the bed. Why do I have to go through this? It's horrible. I will never be able to feel myself again. People always make me feel awkward and embarrassed about my weight. Now I wish that I was able to eat more. The problem is that I can't. I can eat often, but it's still not enough. Sometimes I am hungry, but I still can't eat much. It looks like I am starving myself, but I have no choice. I prefer having less food in my body than no food at all. There was a knock on the door, and dad came in. He sat on the bed next to me. - Will you tell me what the problem is? - I don't know. I'm just tired of everything. - Look, I know this is hard for you. One day it will be over. - When? After all the comments that I get daily about my weight. - No one hates you. It's just hard to believe that so skinny people exist. - You have no idea how people look at me. - That's because you let this bother you. Ignore the people. They talk all the time. Also, they don't know why you are in this state. - I know, but it still hurts. - Don't let them win. Show people that you are stronger than them. - How am I supposed to do that? - By stopping paying attention to what they talk about you. Being yourself is your greatest weapon. - It's easy for you. Everyone likes you. - I won't be so sure. All you have to do is focus on yourself. - I don't think that I can do that. - You need to believe in yourself. - It's easier said than done. - It depends on you. - I know. Can we go for dinner now? - Yes, sure. Let's go. Both with dad walked downstairs. Mom was setting the table. The food is delicious, but I can't eat much. I always starve myself. Maybe I can eat more. I don't care if I will throw up. - Mom, can you put more? - No problem, but you know what happens when you eat more. - I know, but I am hungry. I'm tired of starving myself. - Ok, here you go. I ate everything. It was so good. Ten minutes after that, I rushed into the bathroom. That was for my food. I threw up everything. Now I can't eat. Otherwise, the same thing will happen. I hate my body. That is horrible. I washed my face and mouth and went back to the table. - Are you ok? - mom asked - Yes, I'm fine. - This is why I didn't want you to eat more. Now your stomach is empty. Like you haven't eaten anything. - Sometimes, I want to eat as much as I want. - I know, but you have to be careful. If you don't have any food in your body, it won't function well. - That's what I hate the most. - We'll find a solution. I promise you. - I hope so. I'm getting tired of being sick all the time. The rest of the night I spent with my parents. We watched a movie, and later I went to bed. Only two weeks have left until the beginning of the new school year. Honestly, I'm not in the mood for that. It's not like I have a choice. That is my last year of high school. I have to graduate. Let's hope that I will get better. I need to convince mom about this treatment. I know the chances of getting better and worse are equal, but I should try. I don't want to continue like that. I want to be able to eat as much as I want without being worried that I will throw up at the next minute. I hope that one day this will be over.