Hallows: Merciful Death

The Plot In You- Take Me Away B.B: The time for being sad is over. I've been wandering this old house for two years. She wouldn't want me to be alone this way. Not that what she wants should matter. She chose to leave me. I can still see her there. Most nights, I sit in the light of my room and stare at the specter that remains. It's never gone away. Even after I cut her down. Even after her body was hauled away, she never left.  I don't think any of us ever really leave this house. Not them and not our father. Not those who have left this world under this roof. Somewhere, they linger. The darkest parts of them were left behind as a reminder to who and what we all are. Blackstones. The one question I need answering is: why? After everything, we've been through. After everything, we had to endure to free ourselves of my father's own lapse of character. Why would she follow him into the grave this way?  I avoid coming home late. I avoid being in the darkness. I've always been afraid of it. Ever since I could remember. My mom covered my ceiling in glow-in-the-dark stickers when I was six. They're all still there. And to this day, I have a night light. Knowing that she's out there waiting for me to see her. I'm terrified down to my bones.  I hear you, Delilah. I hear you out there. The sound of the chandelier's crystals jingles in the heavy silence of this nightmare house. The creaking of her weight as her body swings back and forth is what I imagine an omen to sound like. The gentle sway that goes back and forth. Creeeak, creeeak, creeeak. The sound drives me insane but I find myself rocking back and forth to the noise of it as I sit in front of my door with my arms secured around my knees. I don't look away. I can't look away. I can barely stand to blink. Creak. Creak. Creak.  Seven hundred and twenty-four days of this s**t. Seven hundred and twenty-four days without you. Seven hundred and twenty-four days of distance and isolation. All I can think about is: What can be worse than this, Delilah? How could you be so f*****g weak and selfish? You had everything and you had me. Did I do something wrong? Did I not pay you enough attention?  It's the wondering that's killing me. It's not the sound of you hanging from the f*****g chandelier, nope. It's not the image of you I see every time I have to come up the stairs. It's not even the fact you're gone. I just want to know why you would do this. I've been obsessing over it all of this time. Unable to move forward. Unable to breathe. Unable to believe in anything other than your abandonment. It's the maddening effect of your actions. I'm losing my mind and it's all your fault.  You're not the only specter in this house, are you? That other one that lingers, I fear the most. The sound of the floorboards creaking sends a cold tingling sensation down my spine. My heart begins to beat rapidly in my chest as if it's pleading with me to run. To run as fast and far away from here as I can, but where would I go?  I doubt there's a place far enough to hide from this fear inside of me. It's always at the same time. Every single day. It comes without a miss. It's the Witching hour. Three in the morning and the specter comes with its evil, heavy presence. I abruptly get up and shut my door. Whatever it is, I've never wanted to see it. I have enough with the girl hanging in the middle of this god-forsaken house. I lock the door and I stand back as I see the shadow's footsteps from under the door. I take a few steps back as the shadow stops. It lingers for a moment before it goes away.  It happens throughout the night. Sometimes earlier than now, the sound is muffled by the early hours of the night but it definitely comes at this time. Loud and wicked.  I sit back on my bed with the lights on and the lamps. Not a single space in my room is dark. Not even the closet or the bathroom. I take a prerolled joint and put it between my lips. My dad's lighter in my hands. A little piece of him I carry around with me. That man was too a coward. Just like you, sister. Just like you.  I open up my phone and scroll through my social media pages without really seeing any of it. It's just to keep my hands and mind busy. To help me keep my sanity for just a little while longer.  The world has been moving forward without us, Delilah. Everything that once rightfully belonged to us has been claimed by another. She's taken the crown, she's taken lead, and she's taken, Shane.  It doesn't feel like much of a loss really. I had all those things without even trying. She tries so f*****g hard to be like us but she never really got the gist of it all. Power isn't something that is proven. You either have it or you don't. You can spray-paint the trash a pretty gold. You can spray it down with a pretty fragrance but it'll never stop being what it is. Garbage.  It's time for a new route, Dilly. One a little less perky, a little less civilized, a little less pink. Maybe the reason I see you is because I'm afraid of stepping out into that darkness with you. It's probably the same reason why you felt that you couldn't talk to me about what was happening to you. I didn't want to walk in the darkness with you. I let you go alone. I tried to stay out of it and maybe I was the one that abandoned you first.  I'll start with them, Delilah. Lucien and Carson. Your two best friends. Your two accomplices. I miss them just as much as I miss you. I see them around. I hear them laugh. I hear them whisper your name like a prayer. I hear them say mine. It's a poor substitution, I know. You being the patient one. Me running on instinct. Business and brawn. Two very distinctive personalities. Hellbourne is falling apart without you, Delilah. You meant something to this town and I think it's time I take up the Blackstone family mantel. What else is there?  I may feel numb all the time but ending it here in this house is not an option. I need to think about my future. I need more than this emptiness. I refuse to let it consume me and if I have to step into that darkness. If I have to become everything I've fought so hard to stay away from, then I'll gladly do it. I'll do it for you. I'll do it for dad. I'll do it for myself. I mean what kind of Blackstone would I be if I died without leaving a mark on this world?  That's just not in the cards for me. Whatever it takes, I need to feel again. Even if it is just fear and pain. I want to feel alive. I need to feel alive because at this rate. I might end up in a coffin between you and dad. Stuck in this old house like a specter. No more. Watch me do what you couldn't, Delilah Blackstone. Watch me live.