Dreams and Wonders

[Sydney Paralejo's POV] I roamed my eyes around the whole gymnasium. Tiningala ko ang maraming mga tao na nasa bleachers. Ang iba ay nakasimangot habang pinapaypapayan ang sarili habang ang iba naman ay nakangiti habang hawak ang kanilang mga camera at palaging tinututok ito sa amin. I put my gaze down and looked at my schoolmates. Everyone had spark in their eyes, igniting as they sat excitedly with smiles plastered on their faces. I stared at them blankly, wondering why I don't feel the same way. Yumuko na lamang ako at pinigilan ang mga luhang nagbabadya sa aking mga mata. I must not cry. I must keep on the mask I've been wearing my whole life. With that thought, I immediately regained composure, sat straight, and gave my best smile. Inayos ko ang aking pagkakaupo. Sanay naman na ako and I know others won't notice it being fake because nobody even cares. I bet they don't even know I exist. Inalis ko na lamang sa isipan ko lahat ng 'yon at nakinig sa emcee. "And our class valedictorian for this school year 2017-2018 is no other than... Sydney Paralejo," the emcee declared happily and the crowd gave a round of applause. I glanced at my classmates and jealousy was pretty evident on their faces. I couldn't help but smirk in return as I stood up and went over to the stage. I know it's rude but then I have this attitude that I should treat others based on how they treat me. If they treat me with respect, I pay back respect. If they treat me otherwise, I'd pay back much worse. Life is unfair but it's actually up to you to make it fair. Habang naglalakad ako patungo sa hagdan, rinig na rinig ko ang mga chismisan nila, kunwari pang nagbubulungan pero nilalakasan, obviously doing it on purpose para talagang marinig ko. "Alam mo ba, sabi ni Mama, mal*ndi yang Mama ni Liza kasi nagtatrabaho raw 'yon sa bar. Kaya nga dapat daw 'di ako lumalapit sa kanya kasi baka gano'n din si Liza, diba?" Sharifa said disgustingly. "As in? Ew! Baka gano'n rin si Sydney. Yuck." Napangiwi naman si Kris. "Sabi rin niya baka raw nil*ndi ng mama niya yung adviser natin kaya naging valedictorian. Kadiri," dagdag pa ni Sharifa "Like mother, like daughter nga naman," sabi pabalik ni Kris. "Paano kaya naging matalino si Sydney, eh, puro l*ndi lang din siguro alam niyan." They both laughed so hard that I just want to pull and cut their tongues out. Their words were like sharp knives, piercing right through me, but of course, hindi ko pinakita. I don't want them to think na ang dali-dali ko lang apihin. Instead, I stopped midway with clenched fists and glanced in their way. We made eye contact and I shot my eyebrows up. They immediately stopped laughing as I slowly walked right in front of them. "Do you know why people like us are sent to school?" I mockingly mimicked their voices. They couldn't even find a word to reply. I continued, "So that we will be educated." I made sure to emphasize the word 'educated' because they probably need it. "And in your case, you both seem to be uneducated enough to be here for the moving up ceremony. Haven't you heard of good manners and right conduct?" I asked and waited for their answers pero nakaawang lamang ang mga bibig nila. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita, "Well, I suggest both of you should enroll again for Grade 10, or better yet for Grade 7 because that attitude of yours reeks of sh*t. Just a suggestion, of course. You both might need it." I gave them my best smile and rolled my eyes. People just won't shut up unless you make them shut up. That's what I learned growing up with snakes hissing behind my back. As I was about to get back on my track, I glanced back once more, "And please, tell your parents that they can talk all they want hanggang sa mapudpud ang mga labi nila. Mas mabuti nga yon, eh." With that, I went straight up to the stairs and walked to the front. Seeing their faces as if they were about to cry was so satisfying. I just hope that they already learned their lesson from that, though. As always, sinamahan ako ng teacher namin paakyat sa stage. I actually don't need any companion since hindi naman kami kaano-ano but siguro it's out of pity considering that all of my schoolmates have their parents with them and I don't have mine with me. I'm not surprised, though. Palagi namang ganito. Every time na may culmination activity, ako lang mag-isa ang tumatanggap sa certificate ko. Every time na mananalo ako sa mga competitions, ako mismo nagsasabit ng medalya sa leeg ko. Every time nasasabit ako sa gulo sa school, sarili ko lang din ang kakampi ko. And to think na ako pa ang naging valedictorian ngayon, nagbunga na ang sarili kong pagsisikap. Nagbunga ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. Nagbunga na ang mga luhang binuhos ko dahil sa pangungutya at pang-aabusong ginawa ng mga tao sa paligid ko. All of that ay nagbunga without the help of anyone except my mother. I didn't have any support system since I was young other than myself and my Mom. At a very young age, I learned how to be independent and not to rely on others. With this kind of mindset, I am far enough more mature than people my age. I grew up without a father figure and just my mother. That's why if ever we meet up, I'd spit at his face for leaving us behind. I was born out of teenage pregnancy at kinailangang tumigil ni Mama sa college while si Papa ay sinasabing hindi siya titigil dahil papanagunutan naman raw niya si Mama. Blinded by his sugarcoated words, Mama did what she thought was right at pinaubaya ang paghahanapbuhay kay Papa. A year passed until I came out at bigla kaming iniwan sa ere ng ama ko. Hinanap namin siya pero biglang naglaho na parang bula. Since then, Mama has been striving for us through the years to the point that she became a dancer in a nightclub para lang may makain kami. Despite the people calling her 'Magdalena' and catcalling her with the line 'tulog sa umaga, gising sa gabi', hindi ito naging hadlang para sa kanya. She always told me that she's doing her best to provide everything we need and so I should also give my best at school as payback for her sweat, tears, and hard work. Oo, naging kahihiyan ito para sa akin when I was still in elementary na mismong kapag pumupunta siya sa eskwelahan ko noon, nagkukunwari akong hindi ko siya kilala. As I grew up, I became less ignorant of the things around me and eventually, naiintindihan ko na ang sitwasyon ng Mama ko. It's rare to find someone willing to lose their name and reputation just to have something to eat on the table. My adviser was the one who put my medals around my neck saka ko tinanggap ang certificates na binigay ng aming principal. I went to the center of the stage and positioned myself right along the microphone. Nakasanayan na tuwing may graduation sa paaralang ito ay magbibigay ng mensahe ang valedictorian tungkol sa kanyang tagumpay, and it just so happened that I'm the valedictorian of our batch. I never really wanted to give a speech, since I hate public speaking. Though, my adviser told me that it was mandated by the principal so I have no choice but to obey. Pinilit kong ngumiti in front of the crowd as I gave my best smile. I practiced my speech several times at home so I think this will go smoothly. "To all of my fellow schoolmates, teachers, staff, and the parents who are here today, a pleasant good day to everyone. It is my honor to welcome all of you to this memorable event," I greeted them as they gave me a round of applause. "Before anything else, I would like to thank my adviser, Mrs. Cruz, for being there for me all my life ever since I stepped into this school," ibinaling ko ang aking atensyon sa aking guro na nakatingala sa ibaba ng stage. She looked at me with all sincerity in her eyes, "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be standing right here in this very spot today." I gave her a warm smile saka humarap muli sa madla. "If there's one thing I have learned during my junior high school journey, it's the fact that some people will always have something to say behind your back even if everything you do is good." Pagkasabi ko ng mga salitang iyon ay tinignan ko nang maigi ang dalawang kaklase na nakausap ko kanina. Kitang kita sa kanilang mga mata ang gulat at takot kaya napayuko na lamang sila. Realization hit them hard, I guess. "I have been in that situation countless times and I am tired of trying to defend myself for something I did not even do," pagpapatuloy ko. "What I learned from this experience is to not mind other people's opinions about you. You are you and they are them. You are not them, and you are not anyone. It takes guts to stop living up to people's expectations because then you can focus on yourself, you can focus on your own goals, and you can focus on your wants in life," I said sternly. I have overcome the phase of always looking up to other people's expectations especially whenever they say that I should not become like my mother. Sinasabihan nila ako dati na hindi ako makakapagtapos dahil sa trabaho ng Mama ako, at kung makapagtapos man ay isa lamang itong kahihiyan dahil anak ako ng isang pokp*k. It hurts me to the core because every time I hear them say those words, it's like my mother is some sort of monster. Na para bang kinaaayawan siya ng lahat, na para bang ang dami niyang kasalanang nagawa sa mundo. Since that time, I decided not to mind them, I couldn't care less about what they said to me. Kumbaga, I know myself, I own my life, and I should not let people dictate what I should and should not do. Out of all people, I know my Mama the most so their words are worth nothing.