A Kiss to Last a Lifetime

What a day this has been! I woke up Monday morning my 18th birthday thinking of how wonderful life was. I was looking forward to the celebration and a lunch date with my boyfriend Dane. We had been together since my sophomore year. He was a year ahead of me and the day we’d met I was instantly drawn to him. I remember back to the day we’d met. It was my first day in this new school as I was a transfer student. I stumbled into Dane not paying attention in the hallway as I was looking at a map to get to the next class. I apologized after he helped to pick up my scattered books and he noticed I was new while glancing at the map amongst the scattered books, and offered to be my guide. I smiled and felt a warm blush creep up my cheeks as I let him lead the way. When we had reached the classroom, he offered to be a guide for the rest of the day and asked if I wanted to eat lunch together. I’d spent lunch with him, laughing and chatting about my previous school, and found out he’d lived in this town his entire life. At the end of the day we’d met up again and Dane asked to hangout. That was the beginning of how our kindred spirits collided. After that day we were inseparable, and as thick as thieves until he graduated and started college. Now we see each other during his holidays and breaks. I was thinking a long distant relationship wouldn't work, but Dane insured and encouraged me to give it a chance. Luckily my birthday fell on a holiday weekend! So I got ready for the day, ate a huge breakfast with my family and gave them my love, before making my way to the bistro where Dane and I had our first date. Starting my birthday with the love of my life at our number one spot, where it all began what more could a gal ask for? Just thinking about it made me hope that this would be the best birthday yet. As I walked in I saw him at our favorite table and we exchanged smiles, but Dane's smile didn’t reach his eyes as it normally did. "Hey honey what’s wrong?" I said as I sat down at the table reaching for the hand he had on the table, trying to comfort the visible worry line behind his half smile. He looked away towards the window and slowly removed his hand from mine. Knowing he was trying to create distannce. He flashed back to a few months ago. Flashback to December: He was at a frat party with buddies and decided to take a breather on the balcony. That's when and where he met Bethany. As they talked they realized they had classes together and shared similar interests. As the night drew on they became closer, and it began to feel like they had known each other for sometime. He wasn't ready to let her leave without figuring out if there could be more. So he offered to take her home. They spent the ride to her place laughing, chatting and listening to music. It felt almost like second nature being with her. Was she going to be just a friend or something more. He got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side to open her door. She was standing pretty close to him, and for a few moments he relished the warmth emitting from her skin. He cleared his throat and stepped to the side to let her lead him to her door. "Home safe." He said and grinned at her as he watched her staring at the keys in her hand. She looked into his eyes and before he realized what to expect she kissed him. He hadn't realized how much he wanted her to until she broke away from him and brought her fingers to her swollen lips. He needed to taste her again to make sure what he felt was real. He stepped closer pulling her into him this time he lead the dancing of their tongues and lips. Goddess knows how long the kiss lasted, but when they disengaged both of them were breathless and she was supporting herself against the locked door as she stood with wobbly legs. After she was stable, he told her he couldn't do this, he wasn't ready for them to be more than friends. Bethany said "We can be friends." Dane said “Friends don't kiss like that." Bethany raised an eyebrow "Kiss like what? Like you just blew my mind and now you want to walk away after making my knees weak?" Dane was stomped as he realized that they had felt the earth move in that mind numbing moment. So he stared into her eyes for a few moments before excusing himself and retreating to his vehicle. In a dazed state he made his way home with all of his thoughts about Bethany and how he couldn't remember the last time he felt that way. As he laid in bed he checked his phone. He had a few missed messages from his girlfriend Chloe. He’d been with Chloe for about 3 years, but he hasn’t seen her as much since he started college two states away. So he felt justified in kissing Bethany, thinking it was Chloe's fault for not being around while he is at college. He knew it was a flimsy excuse, but no one would know before he was ready. He checked his messages and it was the usual, her checking in, wishing he had a great day and messages of love. He decided not to focus on his girlfriend Chloe, not to share the truth about his evening. He needed to figure out what was going on with Bethany. So he made up a story about a sick relative, school assignments, and whatever he thought would stick and make her give him space and support. Shortly after that message he turned off all notifications received from Chloe. While he made plans for hanging out with Bethany during and after classes tomorrow. He was so excited to see Bethany the next day, that he even set out his outfit for the next day, making sure there were no wrinkles and everything looked perfect. He was first to arrive. So he sat down prepared his assignments and laptop and that only took a few moments, so he found himself staring at the door waiting to see her when she arrived. It didn't take long. She walked through the door looking around and when their eyes met they exchanged smiles. End flashback "You can tell me anything. I'm here for you, whatever you need." I said. He shut his eyes for a few seconds and turned his head away from the window to look at me. Dane opened his eyes to see the worry lines creasing my forhead, but he continued with what he came to do. "I hate to do this on your birthday, but I'm breaking up with you. I've lost interest in you and our relationship. So this is the end." He remained calm throughout his little speech. Almost as if he had been practicing the words out loud in the mirror. Everything about him was a masked emotionless expression. His body language spoke volumes about how uncomfortable he had made me feel. I know it's selfish, but wtf! He could've told me this at any other time. He could've told me last night instead of sending me kissing emojis and love you messages. We spoke on FaceTime and everything seemed normal. What the heck happened within the last few hours to bring this on. "Dane, where is this coming from? What happened between last night in this afternoon?" I felt cold and disconnected trying not to let my voice quiver through my hurt, even as my eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears, and I hoped that he had a reasonable explanation. "Well remember we talked about long distant relationships and whether or not it could work?” He framed it as a question, but I knew it was rhetorical, because he continued with his rehearsed speech. “I decided months ago that I needed to move on. Everyday not being able to hold you was weighing on me. Everyday for the last few months I wanted to call it off with us, but I needed to do it in person.” He explained. "If this is how you felt why did you lead me on last night with hugs, kisses, I love you's, and not lead with something like hey we need to talk? Like I just don't understand what this is about. Is this about s*x?" At that moment I remembered when he stopped replying to calls and text messages for a couple months. He said he had a huge workload with school assignments and had been falling behind. That his parents told him to focus on his academics and to stop chasing me around. He also had a sick relative around that time, or that's what he told me. How many lies has he shared with me? How many thoughts, and actualities had he omitted. At the time I let it go. Thinking he needed that time to make improvements, and I didn't want him to lose his scholarship nor his parent's support. But right now I needed to know the truth. "When you stopped all communication with me…you were seeing someone else? Tell me the fvcking truth!" I whisper yelled the last part as I stared directly into his filthy lying face. He brought me to one of the most public places to dump me on my birthday. Did he think I would just let it fly? Did he believe that being in public would prevent me from making a scene or was it for his safety? "It's not like we were together, we have never had s*x and I needed the comfort. It wasn't to hurt you. I was so lonely and felt disconnected, and she is there for me." He stated.